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NOTE: this post was leaked from the premium, paywalled section of Workplace Wellness Tips by an as yet unknown whistleblower. This world is really a sick, broken place if people are just going to go around sharing helpful health advice like this for free. 

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So you want to get rid of stress. 

Let us be the first to tell you — if you’re stressed, it’s not too late*! There’s definitely probably some hope**. 

The 4 Helpful Tips to Ease Stress will help stressed people — but it’ll be even more effective for people who aren’t currently stressed but who might be considering being stressed. 

This is for all those people who haven’t quite made up their minds!

We all know stress is bad and that we shouldn’t be stressed and that it’s bad for our health and that stress totally cuts into our chillness. 

So how do we get rid of stress so that people can reach optimal levels of wellness and be totally productive? 

Easy! 

All you have to do to prevent stress is read — and share! — this helpful list of advice. 

1 – Stress is bad. 

2 – Don’t be stressed. 

3 – Stress isn’t good for your health. 

4 – If you don’t stop being stressed right now, it’s because you’re making an intentional immoral unethical choice to keep being stressed and because of this you will definitely be fired. 

As people read through the above recommendations, they’ll see that stress is actually bad, and they shouldn’t be it. This will help them snap out of being stressed and seamlessly reenter their lives of being totally chill — but also extremely productive, because this is a workplace wellness blog, after all. 

People who are stressed probably don’t realize how bad it is — that’s why point #3 is important. Once people know stress is bad for their health, they’ll definitely stop being stressed and be relieved instead. It’s a pretty straightforward decision. 

For those sluggardly, slothly, totally depraved individuals who make the conscious intentional choice to continue being stressed — even after learning that is bad in general and also bad for health! — the only possible resort is to threaten to fire them. This threat is totally acceptable. Threats with a clear ultimatum will improve workplace culture and positivity and well-being. The threat hanging above the heads of these intentionally stressed people will be a reminder to everyone else to not be stressed — floating threats are basically a free advertisement for chillness! 

*promises of solutions are not legally binding

**guarantees of hope are for entertainment purposes only 

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