hablando solo

During lunch, an office member who has requested to remain anonymous has confirmed to us that a man in the stall next to him was having a pretty rough go of it just a short time ago.

“There were lots of sounds I don’t care to describe, imitate, or recount,” began the employee. “Most of it was splashy.” He shook his head slowly in an exaggerated display of sympathy.

“Then, when it was over, there was this pause, and I could hear the little handle of the toilet jiggling, as the dude tried to flush, and nothing was happening. The jiggling of the handle got a bit frantic for a second, and then it was just silence.”

It is presumed that during this silence the man in the next stall over was considering the situation and examining the toilet itself for probable causes of its malfunction. The silence was broken by the sound of porcelain-scraping as the top was removed from the toilet, then of porcelain-clanking as it was placed on the tile floor, then the noise of various chains, plastic covers, and rubber tubes being manipulated into place, in order to allow the obscenity deposited within the toilet bowl to be sent to the great abyss.

The office member confirmed that it appears the operation was successful, as the toilet flushed soon after the noises ceased. The identity of the man in the next stall over is as of yet unconfirmed, and it is believed that, after the incident, he fled the scene as quickly and stealthily as he could, assumedly due to a nefarious motive like shame or even sheer embarrassment.

“I get what he’s going through,” confirmed the office member, adding, “That happened to me once in Thailand.” It must be noted, however, that this particular office member relates everything that happens to anyone, anywhere, to a 36-hour layover he once had in Thailand, during which everything which can possibly happen to a human being must have occurred to, around, and within him.

At lunch, the office member could be heard speculating about the identity of the man in the stall next to him. His primary guess, which was ostensibly corroborated by his conversational companions, who were visibly uncomfortable with this topic as a whole, is that it was probably Mark from accounting, who was looking a bit skittish as he ate a sandwich in the corner behind the plants.