Workplace wellness tip #2: moats of lava

Lava is pretty hot. For example, most scientists believe lava is one million degrees. Put on your economics hat for a moment and pretend that lava heat degrees equal the equivalent number of dollars or euros or pounds. One million dollars is a lot, and more is even better. 

See where we’re going with this? 

One million degree lava can remind employees to make one million dollars. This is because of a brain technique called neuroelectricalconnectivity—or as acronymists call it, NEC. 

What does this mean in short words? 

Every time employees see lava, they will make one million dollars. 

(This is why we should never disparage science—it literally proves helpful things like this.)

For this reason and many more, lava (arranged in moats) is an excellent addition to any modern workplace. 

Today, we’ll consider one way to implement wellness a la lava in the workplace:  moats in front of the restrooms!

Unless an employee desires an exceedingly unpleasant walking experience, the employee must leap over a moat of molten lava. This is a classic form of exercise, and exercise is a classic part of wellness.

Without these moats in front of the restrooms (and any other room, really), the workplace is guaranteed to enable lazy and sedentary behavior. 

Lava moats are the only way to avoid this. 

While virtually any location in the office can benefit from being cleaved by a moat of lava, we recommend placing moats in front of washrooms, so that employees are required to experience this fun wellness exercise. 

Another location suggestion we’ve yet to try is the venerable Elevator Lobby. With a few precariously balanced stepping stones scattered about, this could be a truly righteous implementation of this wellness technique—and wellness would be the first thing employees encounter when they arrive at the office, which shows them how much the company values them. Wellness via lava requires a significant investment!

It’s all about wellness, really. And wellness, at its core, is all about making the most money possible via whatever means necessary, no matter how damaging that might be to one’s health. 

Wellness. It makes sense for everyone!











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