Workplace wellness tip #3: motivational posters

One of the best ways to increase general wellness in your workspace is through Initiatives that Seek to Spread Motivation.

People like motivation. People like motivation even more when it is condensed into something linguists like to call “phrases” or “mottos” or “words to live by”.

These phrases are easily digestible. They lend themselves to digestion. They can be eaten quickly by our brains without making a mess. Like all good that is good for us, these phrases then stick themselves in our veins and helpfully agglomerate somewhere nearly inaccessible.

They do this so that we do not forget them!

In this motivational image, one dinosaur has helped another dinosaur to open a mysterious can, revealing a majestic rainbow. This image has a direct motivational application to most jobs and thus needs no explanatory caption.

Here are some examples of motivational phrases that your colleagues will really appreciate:

You Are the Best!
You Can Do It!
Go!
Go Team!

Many people will understand these messages right away.

Some people, however, find it very difficult to piece together an abstract message. People like this need Motivational Images that can be paired with the phrases. Try to find a Motivational Image that is so motivational it is almost offensive.

For example, a picture of a kitten hanging off a tree branch can be paired with any motivational phrase.

A portrait of a dinosaur with small arms handing a can he cannot open to a friend-dinosaur who can open that can can spread a virulent dose of motivation.

A portrait of a well-clogged toilet badly in need of a scrub sends a pretty clear motivational message. This works doubly well if the toilet water contains a distant reflection of the face of a passing acquaintance from years before. The reflected face is apparently ice cream now, and it is melting. It is not immediately apparent why this person was chosen or why their face is ice cream and is melting. Total inscrutability is very motivational!

Another image you can try is a small blue box with a cartoony question mark inside of it. Surround this with a vast white blankness. Don’t even put a phrase with this one—that would be almost too many motivations.

Coercing a workforce into being egregiously motivated is one of the best things you can do for workplace wellness.

Remember: combine a motivational phrase with a motivational image for best results. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you choose; this is something you are doing to check a box, not because you actually want to increase motivation—motivation, like happiness, is not measurable, after all! If you can’t measure something, it doesn’t exist.

You CAN measure how many inspiring posters you have. Those definitely exist. So get out there! Do it! You can! Go! Yay!

If all this sounds like too much, don’t worry:

[insert motivational phrase]!

[obey motivational phrase unquestioningly]!

[absorb motivational phrase into life and spread motivation without mercy and persecute those who refuse to be motivated as per your specific instructions]!

You Can Do It!