hablando solo

Last night, it has been confirmed that a dude at the local gym refused to leave a machine while texting.

The accused, who was seen in olive cargo shorts, a casual t-shirt, flip flops, and other non-workout-appropriate attire, exhibited an overly aloof demeanor as he sat on a workout machine which many viewed as necessary to their Monday night exercise routines in the midst of a crowded gym floor.

One gym member, inexplicably dressed in a red bathing suit, asked the accused good-naturedly if he ‘was using the equipment’, with the obvious underlying question being Can I use this, as you obviously are not? Socially adept members of society are able to read the italicized questions below questions, realize their unintentional mistake, and naturally respond, in good humour, ‘Yes, no worries! Here you go, and all the best.’

The accused, however, in an overt flaunting of the social norms which hold society together, responded with a steely gaze before saying “Yes,” and resuming his texting. The gym member, and the procession who followed him, were forced to find other heavy things to lift, pull, move, or press, in order to attempt, in vain, to fill out their measly chest and arm muscles.

The full procession made sure to give the accused judgmental passive-aggressive glances as he languidly completed his night’s workout of three sets of four reps, spread out across thirty-five minutes. If the accused noticed, he gave no indication, and if anything, he only proceeded to lounge with more effort than before.

At press time, the red-shorted gym member left the building at the same time as the accused, and they walked down the sidewalk in close proximity, which, the gym member confirmed, was just the most awkward thing.