hablando solo

Dear Mrs. M (and relevant team members),

While I am personally not surprised to receive an immediate promotion in your recent offer, considering that I was initially applying for a Mail Room Assistant Attendancy position, I understand that it may come as a somewhat unprecedented move for your department and/or company. I want to take a moment to set your mind and heart at ease, and to provide you with reassurances which I hope you can pass along to our coworkers. I aim to bolster their morale, seeing as how they are likely being buffeted by the bitter winds of inconstancy and change, hopelessly unaware that I will soon arrive to anchor them in stormy seas.

I will assure you that I am not unaccustomed to rapidly moving up corporate ladders. If anyone enquires, physical ladders are also no problem. I am an ascender thrice over, in a metaphorical, symbolic, and literal sense, and where I ascend, I leave a blazing trail for others to follow. (You will notice that I am not unaware of a key rule when climbing literal ladders, i.e. that one should generally avoid setting them alight; the ‘blazing trails’ bit is therefore intended to be understood solely from the metaphorical and symbolic angles.)

When aspiring, and seeking to kindle aspiration in others, the key is first impressions, really. To me, it is critically important to set out on the right foot. (My left has never been quite so talented as my right.) To take the right steps first has historically led to greater stability and more promise.

In light of this, I want to ensure that I will not be creating undue levels of jealousy and/or envy in the department which I will soon be leading. I understand how it can seem to the incumbents – who’s this outsider coming in and rocketing up the ladder, making changes, throwing their weight around, forging dreams, et cetera – and while it is true that most will have little experience around a Da Qi, or a Great Talent, as the Chinese say, I want to be sure that they know they can relate to me, even if they are Regular People.

Please prepare my way, if you will, with a kind and uplifting word to them from me. Options for the word you could distribute may include Aspire, or Ascend, both of which are heartening and carry ‘lift’ imagery; Take Heart, which is two words, but just as cheering as the first two; or Aurora Borealis, another two-word option, alluring because it sounds really nice, though I expect none of them will be familiar with it. The latter option may be the most suitable, as during my reign I do fully intend to take a department that currently resembles an icy landscape of darkness and infuse it with symphonic explosions of ethereal, burning light.

As I am sure you have noted in our correspondence, I am a Man of Letters, after all; it is only fitting that I take charge of the Hall of Words. (I trust you do not mind the rebranding of my business unit.) I am confident the locals will come around to see things from our perspective.

In sincere gratitude,

Director of the Hall of Words (formerly known as the mail room)

HALL OF WORDS SERIES POSTS

find part one here

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