As the end of the summer transfer window begins to loom, Arsene Wenger is becoming desperate to fill the club’s gaping hole at the winger position, internal sources have informed us.
Over the last few days, Wenger has been overheard loudly interrogating his players, searching for anyone has any experience whatsoever playing in a slightly advanced position on the flanks of the midfield. He has been met with blank gazes, and the mood in the locker room has started to take a turn for the worse.
“It’s like he doesn’t know who we are anymore,” confirmed Theo Walcott, a talented speedster known for tearing down the sides of the field before either cutting inside or providing service to central players inside the box. “As if anyone at Arsenal could do what he’s asking us to do. Winger? No. If he wants somebody like that, he’s going to have to look elsewhere.”
“We’re starting to get worried. I mean, he’s becoming almost delusional,” whispered Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, whose preferred areas of play is generally not in the backline, defensive midfield, or central striking positions, with friends and teammates Santi Cazorla, Jack Wilshere, and Aaron Ramsey nodding along in grave agreement, equally stunned by the erratic behavior of their beloved coach.
“I personally guarantee to all of our amazing, committed fans that by the end of this summer transfer window, we’ll have a veritable stable of five to six incredibly talented wingers, footballers with a deadly combination of pace and creativity. I’ll stake my reputation on it.”
Even the most ardent fans were surprised at the high aspirations of the coach. Time will tell if Arsene Wenger will be able to pull off one of the biggest accomplishments of his career thus far with the club.