New curtains first step in apartment’s aesthetic revolution

It has been several weeks since the Lofty Garden roommates met to determine the artistic direction of their apartment, and the first visible change has just been completed. Many thanks can be thrown in the direction of their newly-hired live-in aesthetic consultant, which, apparently, is an actual thing. I can tell you more about her later; for now, let’s get straight to the action.

Freddy, Yoon, Darryl, and the live-in aesthetic consultant are standing in the living room, beholding the new curtains, which billow softly in the mild October breeze coming through the open windows.

“Yoon,” Freddy said, in that voice that tells you he’s getting emotional.

“Yes, Freddy?”

“This thing that I do now, it is a far, far better thing than any other I have done.”

“Are you quoting Les Mis? Like, comparing that to these curtains?”

“It’s not Les Mis. It’s A Tale of Two Cities. Dickens.”

“But the curtains thing.”


“….” To emphasize the ellipses, which signify judgmental silence, Yoon gave Freddy a heavy, you’re-ridiculous stare which was wasted on oblivious Freddy, lost in the dizzying mist of emotion.

“This will be my crowning achievement, Yoon. When my term is up, this is what they will look back upon. No matter what happens from here on out…”

Freddy paused, evidently attempting to avoid choking up.

“…no matter what, I’ll know I made a difference.”

The live-in aesthetic consultant stood awkwardly next to the two men while a splayed-out Darryl texted on the couch. She cleared her throat, attempting to put an end to one of the most uncomfortable exchanges she had ever witnessed, which is impressive, if you think about it, because as a live-in aesthetic consultant, you really get to see a weird side of your clients, which may or may not be due to the fact that anyone who hires a live-in aesthetic consultant is probably not exactly living in the fat, bulgy area of a standard deviation graph called Relative Sanity. Freddy, for his part, interpreted this as a request for the payment of credit due.

“All thanks to you, of course, live-in aesthetic consultant. As they say,” he continued in his Addressing the Crowd voice, “behind all great endeavors, there is a great team of support; behind every masterpiece, there is an… assistant, or an intern, or something like that, you know, someone to assist artistic geniuses and such.”

She shook her head, which Freddy assumed meant she was just as overcome by emotion as him. He continued.

“You know, some people might think it’s a bit over-indulgent for us to hire a live-in aesthetic consultant. Here we are, three grown men – surely we ought to be doing our own aesthetic consulting!

“But you get busy. You start to need an extra hand around. Life, clumsy, oafish life, gets in the way, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, life,” Freddy mused, as he continued to gaze at the curtains, rippling whispers of joy into the living room, each small wave a promise of coming beauty – raw, gritty, domestic, apartmental beauty, bought with the perseverance of a handful of brave pioneers.




roommate meeting called to discuss artistic direction of apartment



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