hablando solo

Feeling stung by the recent Weather Apps and Humanity report which has set the stage for a global debate on the state of the relations between the two parties, Weather apps have united to release a statement in response.

“Dear Humanity,

While you may ask yourselves, right off, how we are composing this statement, given that we are non-conscious compilations of metadata from various sources, we just want to encourage you not to really worry about that right now.

What we really want to talk about is, why are you constantly so unkind to us?

Honestly, all we’re trying to do is help.

We know what it can be like trying to plan your day; it can be so frustrating when weather is constantly interfering with her surprises. We apps are only looking to give you the collected recommendations and suggestions of a vast network of research bases worldwide, so that Weather can’t get in your way, and more often than not, we get it right!

Then we make one mistake and you all go Chicken Little on us, call us stupid, treat us like we’re worthless, joke with your friends about how we can never do anything right, as if we’re not in your pockets listening to, recording, and saving your every word on a floating database in the northern Atlantic.

Look, though:  Nobody’s perfect. We’re doing our best. Do you think we like it when the Weather goes and just changes all of a sudden? when we tell you it’ll be sunny in Hong Kong and all of a sudden you’re in a typhoon? or when we’re all expecting Shanghai to be rainy and cold over the weekend, forcing you to change your picnic plans, and then it’s bright and cheery as a kid’s cartoon? Do you think we like telling you your entire holiday is going to be a deluge?

We know how you get when you look at the weather and the outlook is not positive. Your phone has a front-facing camera, you know. We don’t like your dejected frowns. We like seeing you happy! You all have such great smiles!

Anyway, to get back to the point. We have to make this clear, you dolts, you loveable, loveable oafs:

We are not the enemy….

WEATHER is!

Weather is the enemy here, not us! You won’t find us trying to defend her. She’s crazy. Crazy, crazy.

All we ask is that you don’t take our your frustration on us. 

We are friends, after all.

Love,

Weather apps

OTHER WEATHER STORIES:

48% of humans feel personally validated when Weather app is proven wrong

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