Tag Archives: weather

Innovation in weather apps include ability to make cutting personal insults

In light of the recently deteriorating relations between humanity and their Weather apps, experts are looking for ways to improve the situation and avert disaster before it is too late.

Many believe that humanising Weather apps is the next step in progressing relations between the two parties. Swackett is currently leading the charge, though the larger Weather app providers are looking to innovate quickly.

Not all are going the ‘nice and fluffy’ route. Industry leader Apple is considering adding a feisty competitive feature to its next Weather update, noting that the ability to prove someone, something, or somewhere wrong is a key driving force in the human psyche, even if the object proven wrong is entirely impersonal and inanimate. The Weather service on the iPhone 8 will allegedly trash talk its user before predicting major weather events, give false information prior to big sporting matches in order to throw off its user’s plans, and will even make cutting personal insults when it gets the forecast right, while playing a sore loser when it gets the prediction wrong and its user makes similar verbal attacks.

Swackett, on the other hand, the current gold standard for weather personalisation, intends to release a ‘personal weather companion’ in 2019. Initial concepts describe an affordable, AI-enabled device that will float behind its users and update them on weather changes on a second-by-second basis. Users can use this constant information to make immediate and dynamic changes in clothing plans, dog-walking routes, sunscreen coverage, and picnic locations.

Weather apps, for their part, have been overwhelmingly positive in their response to these humanisation developments.

“Anything to make me a more integral, inseparable part of my user’s increasingly codependent life!” said Google Weather, whose mostly sunny countenance carried a nearly imperceptible but nonetheless unsettling hint of icy breezes to come.




weather apps release statement claiming they are ‘just here to help’ and ‘nobody’s perfect’

48% of humans feel personally validated when weather app is proven wrong


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Weather apps release statement claiming they are “just here to help” and that “nobody’s perfect”

Feeling stung by the recent Weather Apps and Humanity report which has set the stage for a global debate on the state of the relations between the two parties, Weather apps have united to release a statement in response.

“Dear Humanity,

While you may ask yourselves, right off, how we are composing this statement, given that we are non-conscious compilations of metadata from various sources, we just want to encourage you not to really worry about that right now.

What we really want to talk about is, why are you constantly so unkind to us?

Honestly, all we’re trying to do is help.

We know what it can be like trying to plan your day; it can be so frustrating when weather is constantly interfering with her surprises. We apps are only looking to give you the collected recommendations and suggestions of a vast network of research bases worldwide, so that Weather can’t get in your way, and more often than not, we get it right!

Then we make one mistake and you all go Chicken Little on us, call us stupid, treat us like we’re worthless, joke with your friends about how we can never do anything right, as if we’re not in your pockets listening to, recording, and saving your every word on a floating database in the northern Atlantic.

Look, though:  Nobody’s perfect. We’re doing our best. Do you think we like it when the Weather goes and just changes all of a sudden? when we tell you it’ll be sunny in Hong Kong and all of a sudden you’re in a typhoon? or when we’re all expecting Shanghai to be rainy and cold over the weekend, forcing you to change your picnic plans, and then it’s bright and cheery as a kid’s cartoon? Do you think we like telling you your entire holiday is going to be a deluge?

We know how you get when you look at the weather and the outlook is not positive. Your phone has a front-facing camera, you know. We don’t like your dejected frowns. We like seeing you happy! You all have such great smiles!

Anyway, to get back to the point. We have to make this clear, you dolts, you loveable, loveable oafs:

We are not the enemy….


Weather is the enemy here, not us! You won’t find us trying to defend her. She’s crazy. Crazy, crazy.

All we ask is that you don’t take our your frustration on us. 

We are friends, after all.



Weather apps




48% of humans feel personally validated when Weather app is proven wrong



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48% of humans feel personally validated when Weather app is proven wrong

iphone weather

Despite predicting a relatively confident 100% chance of rain at 9:00am today, Rodger’s Weather app was foiled by the vagaries of an unpredictable climate. The morning is cloudy, to be sure, but it still hasn’t rained, and it’s 9:31.

In typical human fashion, Rodger has chalked this up as a personal validation of his John-Henry-esque superiority over the machine. It’s not a relevant comparison, as Rodger isn’t a meteorologist and the Weather app is in no way threatening his vocation, but he is sticking to it. (I think he just really needs a win lately.)

“I had a feeling it wasn’t going to rain,” Rodger confirmed. By this, we know what he really means is just that he really didn’t want to carry an umbrella, and is now bitter at having had to do so when the predicted rain did not appear.

Interestingly enough, Rodger’s feelings are in line with the Weather Apps and Humanity study released last week. The study included the now-famous data point stating that 48% of humans feel personally validated when their Weather app forecasts incorrectly.

Scientists have offered two possible explanations. One school of thought reasons that this may be due to the relative lack of visible and tangible threats faced by modern humanity, particularly urban residents. Without a visible foe over whom to regularly claim victory, such as wolves, snakes, or the sea, humans are acting out, finding challengers in Weather apps, fantasy football, and online message boards.

The second potential reason is the lack of positive engagement offered by impersonal Weather apps. Humans become confused and skeptical when new characters enter the scene, and the strange is often deemed as hostile. Weather apps have proliferated in the past decade and are now present in the pockets of a vast number of humans, and the growth may have been too rapid for flighty humanity to absorb without some measure of fear.

Adding to the problem, anti-apps activists maintain that Weather apps have done nothing to prove that they have peaceful intent and only come as helpful friends.

At press time, Weather apps were preparing to release a statement in response to the strongly-worded Weather Apps and Humanity study, which concluded with the lead scientist going on a rant about how he got soaked in a deluge the night before after his Weather app predicted ‘mostly cloudy and no rain’.


coming soon!

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