With the news wires stuffed to the seams with discoveries on Mars and updates on potentially earth-like Kepler exoplanets, and blockbuster movie The Martian setting box-office records, Earth is starting to feel a bit neglected.
“I mean, look, I try not to root for things to not work out,” explained the Earth, home of humanity for at least several dozen more years. We were asking her casually about the recent fuss concerning Kepler-452b specifically; the news pieces we’ve been seeing have run the gamut in terms of their analysis of the liveability rating of the potentially habitable planet. Some say it is an upgrade to our beloved blue marble, others say it is nowhere close to liveable, and the majority confirm that we honestly just don’t really know.
Earth, however, seems none too pleased with the whole topic. She’s still talking.
“It’s just that you can’t really expect me to hope my so-called replacement does that well, you know? I’m all for developing young talent. I’m just saying, I’m also not going to bow out so easily. I’ve still got ages left in me. I’m just hitting my peak!”
“I wouldn’t mind having some sort of substitute come in – a backup – just to take some of the stress off. I’d love to get rid of some of you humans, don’t get me wrong – I’m not naming names – but for people to start talking as if they’ve found a better planet?
“That hurts a bit. Yeah. I have to be honest, it does sting. It’s like, you do your best for all these creatures, especially the humans, even though you’re never cleaning up your messes, and you’re real princes and princesses sometimes, a bunch of real twags, and for all that work, all you get is a box-office-record-setting movie about Mars!”
She seemed wistful for a moment, probably remembering the glory years when there were cool dinosaurs, or back when Planet Earth was the hottest thing.
In Mars news, while NASA has confirmed that water in the form of lakes did exist at some point three or so billion years ago, what exactly caused the now Red Planet to drastically change, suddenly losing its atmosphere and water, is a mystery. Whatever the reason, the loss of Mars left Earth as the only habitable planet in our solar system.
Come to think of it… as we write this, Earth is looking pretty suspicious.
OTHER SPACE SERIES ENTRIES