Category: Satire
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Dude at gym refuses to leave machine while texting
Last night, it has been confirmed that a dude at the local gym refused to leave a machine while texting. The accused, who was seen in olive cargo shorts, a casual t-shirt, flip flops, and other non-workout-appropriate attire, exhibited an overly aloof demeanor as he sat on a workout machine which many viewed as necessary…
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Promising new act furthers career with Shanghai cancellation
In an already meteoric rise to the top of the pop world’s esteem, up-and-coming ethereal folk-punk act Ceramic Sea Turtles have cancelled their upcoming Shanghai tour stop. “It really is an honour to be invited to a show in Shanghai, so that we could go on to cancel it,” commented bassist Heart Pettigrew. “Not many…
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Wenger quenches latest transfer rumour
“The area in the immediate vicinity of Emirates will not, I confirm, will not be purchasing, transferring, or installing new traffic lights, at least for the foreseeable future.” Arsene Wenger has thwarted the latest transfer hopes of Arsenal fans today with his statement confirming that marquee traffic lights will not be brought in this summer,…
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Revolutionary FIFA President Sepp Blatter Proposes Football – for Women
note: This was written back in May, before the corruption charges and the election results. Updates to follow! In a move sure to shock the footballing world, incumbent FIFA President and current leading reelection candidate Sepp Blatter announced the creation of football for women. Speaking at a recent press conference, he began by saying, “After thinking long and…
hablando solo 