Month: July 2015
Selfless citizen runs free quality check on mirrors, reflective surfaces
It’s said that those who give in secret can’t do so for long.
Shanghai expat somehow managed to survive alone for years
the expat has still not adapted to expect the sensation of hunger which indicates that his body would like a meal, which it will convert into energy to use in accomplishing its fairly critical daily goal of of not dying.
Bodyguard for Linkin Park has a really loveable face
HAWORTH SHOWROOM SHANGHAI – After a social event for entrepreneurs in Shanghai in which Linkin Park discussed ideas for educational startups, socially-minded venture capital opportunities, and possibilities for globally scalable, sustainable development, guests were primarily focused on the really loveable face of one of the band’s massive bodyguards. “He was gigantic,” reported one guest, whom…
Wenger close to fulfilling ambition of fielding eleven midfielders
Arsene Wenger has spent the better part of two decades with a single aim in mind: Field an entire team of midfielders.
Good reviews for Stephanie’s immediately forgettable new boyfriend
Despite the fact that everyone at dinner is struggling to remember the name, face, or anything remotely related to his physical appearance, personality, or interests, all reviews thus far seem to be overwhelmingly positive for Stephanie’s new boyfriend.
Wenger searches to fill hole at winger
Arsene Wenger is becoming desperate to fill the club’s gaping hole at the winger position…
Man in the next stall over is having a rough time
an office member who has requested to remain anonymous has confirmed to us that a man in the stall next to him was having a pretty rough go of it just a short time ago.
Dude at gym refuses to leave machine while texting
Last night, it has been confirmed that a dude at the local gym refused to leave a machine while texting. The accused, who was seen in olive cargo shorts, a casual t-shirt, flip flops, and other non-workout-appropriate attire, exhibited an overly aloof demeanor as he sat on a workout machine which many viewed as necessary…
Promising new act furthers career with Shanghai cancellation
In an already meteoric rise to the top of the pop world’s esteem, up-and-coming ethereal folk-punk act Ceramic Sea Turtles have cancelled their upcoming Shanghai tour stop. “It really is an honour to be invited to a show in Shanghai, so that we could go on to cancel it,” commented bassist Heart Pettigrew. “Not many…
Wenger quenches latest transfer rumour
“The area in the immediate vicinity of Emirates will not, I confirm, will not be purchasing, transferring, or installing new traffic lights, at least for the foreseeable future.” Arsene Wenger has thwarted the latest transfer hopes of Arsenal fans today with his statement confirming that marquee traffic lights will not be brought in this summer,…