Author: alexprzybyla
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This Month: Things That Happened
Twitter moves to punish next user caught inventing a hashtag inspired by Brexit After a slew of increasingly stupid hashtags inspired by Brexit threatened to overwhelm Twitter’s airwaves, the company has proposed violent, graphic punishment to be exacted upon the next users to create Brexit-inspired hashtags. Opponents called for a mass Twexxit… Monday looking…
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Church of Mammon Membership Explodes with Trump Successes
In the United States, Church of Mammon membership is hitting record highs with the recent political successes of Donald Trump. “It’s fantastic, really. Some people are even saying it’s ‘unprecedented’,” said one newly-minted Church of Mammon member, Dorothy Arnolds. “We’ve been playing ourselves off as Christians for so many years, but here comes Donald Trump,…
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Man flies across world to confess love, quickly runs out of other things to talk about
As we mill about in the arrival terminal of LAX, a pitiful looking man is doing his best to drum up something to talk about with a woman standing nearby. ‘So…are you… do you like Tuesdays?’ he is very literally asking. ‘Or maybe you’re more of a Wednesday person..? Here’s what’s going on. Inspired by…
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Innovation in weather apps include ability to make cutting personal insults
The Weather service on the iPhone 8 will allegedly trash talk its user before predicting major weather events…
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Alien on KIC 8462852 feels pretty stupid for leaving starships out where Earth could see
…speaking to us from a dingy hotel in the star system KIC 8462852, Rto’sohe’vhin is feeling like the biggest dunce ever.
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Captain Planet open to Kepler opportunity, if an opening were to be made available
Shock hit the airwaves last week when widely beloved environmental pioneer Captain Planet announced that he’d be ‘open to a move if a Kepler opportunity opened up’.
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Earth a bit peeved at all the talk about Kepler, Mars
With the news wires stuffed to the seams with discoveries on Mars and updates on potentially earth-like Kepler exoplanets, and blockbuster movie The Martian setting box-office records, Earth is starting to feel a bit neglected.
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Weather apps release statement claiming they are “just here to help” and that “nobody’s perfect”
Nobody’s perfect. We’re doing our best.
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48% of humans feel personally validated when Weather app is proven wrong
Despite predicting a relatively confident 100% chance of rain at 9:00am today, Rodger’s Weather app was foiled by the vagaries of an unpredictable climate. The morning is cloudy, to be sure, but it still hasn’t rained, and it’s 9:31. In typical human fashion, Rodger has chalked this up as a personal validation of his John-Henry-esque…
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Solitary Saturday reveals lack of bench depth among David’s friends
The season has become suddenly desperate for David Tang as this weekend has revealed his lack of bench depth among his friends.
hablando solo 